Grow Your Relationships with Your Students

As we have discussed in the previous posts (Pursue Growth, Not Competition, How to Write a SMART Goal, & Grow Your Professional Relationships), it is important to grow as a teacher. Hopefully, you were able to create a SMART goal to help you make progress in a specific area and learned how to grow your relationships with your colleagues.

Now, we have one area of growth left: how to grow your relationships with your students. There are so many ways you can make sure your relationships with your students are going strong.

An unwillingness to admit a mistake - to admit you're human - causes students to respect you less, not more.

Admit When Your You're Wrong

I have met a few teachers who would not admit that they were wrong in front of their students. It is difficult to admit when you are wrong to other adults, such as your colleagues. How much harder is it to admit you made a mistake to a child? Many teachers wish to show their students that they are inerrant, hoping that this will ensure that their students will respect what they say.

However, an unwillingness to admit a mistake - admit you're human - causes students to respect you less, not more.

In this area, we must work on growth in humility, instead of competing with our students to be right.

Admitting when we are wrong to our students is a great opportunity to model humility. It's also a great way to show our students how to make mistakes with grace. Teach your students how to respond in this situation. Do you pretend a mistake never happened? double down? or do you admit your mistake and correct it?

Your vulnerability will help create a deeper bond with your students, and it will encourage trust too.

How sad is it that student misbehavior gains our attention while the "good kids" are ignored because they are good?

Use Student Names

At my school, students as young as kindergarten switch classes for literacy and math. Starting in second-grade, students switch for history and science class too. This means that teachers see just about every student in their grade level - upwards of 100 kids!

As a teacher, this means that it takes effort to remember each students' name, let alone get to know each child on an individual level!

Students can get lost in the shuffle -- especially the kids who behave well and don't need redirection. How sad is it that student misbehavior gains our attention while the "good kids" are ignored because they are good?

A seemingly simple strategy to make sure every child is looked after is to use each child's name -- every day.

Honestly, I don’t even like using the word “strategy” here. This concept should be instinctual. Knowing and using each student’s name is so important because it gives children a sense of belonging and creates relationship.

You can use students' names when you greet them as they come into the classroom. This is a great time to make sure each child has a one-on-one interaction with you (however brief).

Call on all students (not the same 5) by using a name jar and rotating through students. Then, make eye contact with each student when it's their turn to answer. Whenever you aren't using popsicle sticks (e.g. when a child needs to use the restroom) use the child's name rather than pointing at them or saying "yes?"

When students leave for the day, tell them goodbye, use their names, and wish them well. Saying "Johnny, I am so glad you were at school today, have a good evening," goes a long way.

Lastly, make sure you pronounce each child's name correctly. Take the time at the beginning of the school year to learn how to say each child's name accurately. Our identities are wrapped up in our names, and it's important to get this right. How disheartening would it be to have a teacher mispronounce your name every day?

On the other hand, how encouraging would it be to see your teacher take the time to learn your name, greet you by name, use your name throughout the day, and say your name when they say goodbye?

Provide a Safe Environment

When you were a child, did you have adults that you could go to for advice? Who did you approach with hard or deep questions? Were there other adults that you avoided confiding in?

The way you respond to your students when they open up to you or look to you for help will dictate whether they will come to you again in the future. It's hard to be vulnerable -- make your classroom a safe place for this.

Do not overreact when a child admits a mistake. Instead, guide them through a solution and stay by their side through it.

Watch your tone and your body language. Kids are quick to pick up on this.

Let your students know that you are there to support them, not judge them. Do this by telling them outright and then by following through with your actions.

Be Passionate

"Bueller? ... Bueller? ... Anyone?"

Can you hear the drone of Ben Stein's voice?

How difficult would it be to stay engaged in a classroom like this?

Please, don't be this teacher! Instead, let your passion for teaching show. Let your students see your enthusiasm. Use humor. Be dramatic. Use silly voices. Engage your students.

You have so much influence over how your students feel about being in your classroom just by the attitude you have. Your students pick up on the way you feel and will often emulate it.

Make sure your attitude is a positive one.

Show Respect

My school has a strong character education program. We teach our students several character traits, but we seem to emphasize respect the most. It is so important for students to learn to show respect to adults and to other children.

This is a great thing to teach our students, but respect needs to be a two-way street.

Yes, we deserve to be treated with respect by our students, but they deserve our respect as well, if for no other reason than that they are human beings.

When students are shown respect, they feel cared for. They feel like we value them. Aside from this (appropriate) ego-boost, showing respect to our students will make our lives easier too.

Our respect translates to value and worth for the child, and what respectable, valuable, and worthy child is going to be irresponsible or misbehave in the classroom?

The thinking of the child goes,

If my teacher is showing me respect, I must deserve this respect. What kind of child deserves respect? Someone who is responsible, respectful, and good deserves respect. So, I must be responsible, respectful, and good.

Consequently, they will act more responsible, respectful, and good.

Sure, it's a little more complicated than that, but try showing respect to your students and tell me you don't see a positive change in their behavior.

We have a huge opportunity to invest in our students' lives and help them grow. This is the most important part of our jobs.

Students Are Our Investment

School is such a big part of children's lives. Kids are in school for a majority of the year for a majority of the day. So, while our students' relationships with the adults in their home are the most important, their relationships with us are vital too.

We have a huge opportunity to invest in our students' lives and help them grow academically and personally. This is the most important part of our jobs.

We must grow as teachers, but we do this by growing our kids.